151: Tura Mantusa from Durame, Kambata: Hi Dr Newitol! Are you an actual doctor who heals people or do you have one of those degrees that tells us you have gotten a credential about something you have no idea about, like a doctorate in conflict-resolution, which doesn’t resolve conflicts?
Dr Newitol: Ah, it’s going to be that kind of an edition. Remind me to entitle it the war & carnage edition. My doctorate is in philosophy but I am home-schooled: I majored in cool beans and identifying worm holes that enable transcendence of tragic Habeshaness. So, yes, I am a healer.
152: Aradom Se’Are from Adi Quontsi, Maekel, Eritrea Baby: I don’t have a question and, if I had one, I wouldn’t ask you! I am not looking for affirmation from your traitor ass but the whole world now knows: We Won! We Won! We Won! Game Over! As the Great Orator and War Strategist Awel Se’eid said : war is 50% intelligence, 25% strength, and 25% information. TPLF, MLLT has none! Game over! Finito! Aleke!
Dr Newitol: See what I mean by tragic Habeshaness, Tura Mantusa? Still trying to help the Habesha transcend their Habeshaness. Dude, the game cannot be over, as long as you have PLAYAS in charge: playas gotta play! Only a people who consider mothers crying at make-shift tents when they are told their sons and daughters perished, got maimed in yet another war talk about “winning.”
153: Husnia Hassan from Feres Megala, Harar: Dr Newitol! Why can’t the rest of Ethiopia copy our formula for peace and harmony: we live on hills and our town is walled. Plus coffee. Lots of coffee. Check us out:
Dr Newitol: I actually got a slight case of vertigo and claustrophobia looking at that pic, Husnia from Harar. Walled towns are historical relics that I may visit but wouldn’t want to live there. San’aa, Yemen is also walled and I wouldn’t visit there even for transit…in times of peace. Like your “sister city”, Clarkston, Georgia where I stumbled in and everybody told me it is America’s most diverse little town. I wouldn’t want to live there either, but do your thang Harar girl.
154. Paul Tom from Gambella, Southwestern, Ethiopia: I just came back from Addis and I was surprised to learn that Addis Abebans have embraced Pride Week. Why is a city so progressive so indifferent to war?
Dr. Newitol: That’s actually the Ethiopian flag. It is city pride and a symbol of cheap and ample electricity that Ethiopia will gift itself and the region soon. And by “soon” I mean soon after dealing with all the military eruptions (Tigray, Amhara, Oromo, Benishangul…), IDPs (including in your region), DDRs… and whatever new adventures Ethiopia stumbles itself in. So, in 15 years.
155. Kassa Yohannes from Gulo Mekeda, People’s Republic of Tigray: Selamat Dr. Banda. Since November 2020, my political party (TPLF) and government (GoT) have told me that fascist Ethiopians, expansions Amhara accompanied by spoon-stealing Hamashen want to exterminate me. Now, 2 years later, they are telling me to disarm and put my faith in the fascists, expansionists and spoon thieves. Were they lying to me when they told me that my enemies want to exterminate me as a people, or are they actually leaving me at the mercy of those who want to exterminate me, just so they can keep their organization intact?
Dr. Newitol: Yes.
156: Amer Abdella from Arietay, Anseba, Eletrea: All of us Eritreans know that if one does not stand with his army and government during war, then, by definition, that person is a traitor. For the last two years, you had nothing to say as Eritreans were in New Mekhete against their existential enemies. Where were you, specially when our president was working hard?
Dr. Newitol: I was told to get all my information about Eritrea from Eri-TV and I didn’t know we were at war because, in two years, it mentioned no wars. Are you sure we were/are at war or you are just assuming that if there is a war, Isaias will become Lord Farquad and declare “Some of you may die, but it’s a sacrifice I am willing to make!”?
157: Arre Adorob from Abugelabu, Semhar, NRS, Eritrea! Ahlen, Dr Newet. Me and all my friends left the Eritrean opposition and decided to be at one with our army, our government and our people. We think this is a better approach than Down Down Downing every day. There is a name for this political philosophy and you claim to know everything. What is it called?
Dr. Newitol: I don’t know if it’s a political philosophy but it sounds similar to TwgaH’mo Part XII. It is a comforting feeling to know that the solution to Eritrea is just “one obstacle” away. The best way to know if this feeling is something you can live with is to remember that the “our army, our government, our people” includes the Disappeared, the Imprisoned, the Displaced, the Maimed, the Refugees, the Widowed and the Orphaned. If you decide that is all the fault of Weyane, then see you at the next Mendelay Trance! Shm, Tkshm.
158: Tadias Asamnew Zemedneh from Baher Dar, Amhara, One Ethiopia: Hello, Dr ኞኞ Wanna-Be! I just want to let your readers know that after listening to the unbiased, impartial, wise opinion of our border commissioners , we have decided that Kafta Humera, Welkait and Tsegede are undisputedly Amhara but we are willing to put the fate of Raya to a referendum vote. Amhara solutions for Amhara problems. Now that’s wisdom! How do you Americans solve similar problems?
Dr. Newitol: Out here in the US of A, we Federalize it and call it National Park. And charge your ass money for it. We invent words like “Commonwealth” and “State” and “Territory” about whom no American knows the difference. Convert it to a Federal Park and call it Fanti Ghana. You can also create a bunch of Dire Dawas (independent administrative zones not part of any region) and be done with it. I would definitely visit Raya to watch the long-horned cattle and the Amhara-Tigrayan dance that is unique to the area. I got the back of my hand to my open mouth and am ready to do the unique call:
159: Rahwa Qsanet from Mai Wray, Akele, Debub, Eritrea: I hear about prisoners of war; I hear of the internally displaced…Why doesn’t anybody talk about the fate of Eritrean refugees who have been displaced from one refugee camp to another in Ethiopia throughout this war?
Dr Newitol: Because they don’t have their own YouTube Channel and Facebook Live. Sorry, I mean Facebook Life. Those are the only Eritreans heard now. Bringing the issue of Eritrean refugees to the attention of the YouTube and Facebook stars is futile because then they would only have 200 viewers. But chant “Tigray Tiseer” and “Mendelay” and you will get thousands of audiences, and the hosts have to eat. As Jimmy Cliff once said, “give the people what they want.” And the people want the sensational, the shocking and the melodramatic.
160. Genet Gelawdios from Ghni Seba, Eritrea: Hello, man! The people who sent very young Eritreans, Tigrayans, Amhara, Afar Ethiopians to die are men. The same people, men, are negotiating to stop the war they started. The same men run all the institutions, including the media, where they own the narrative. The same people, men, will also be in charge of Transitional Justice. My question is: at what point do you ሰብ ጠልጠል admit you have failed at everything and make room for women?
Dr. Newitol: An excellent question that I have directed to Eritrea’s Minister of Justice, Fozia Hashem; Ethiopia’s president, Sahle-Work Zewde; and the person who will oversee the Tigray elections, Birtukan Midekssa. There was one woman who resigned in protest over war crimes, Filsan Abdi, but in the Season of Sensation, doing the right thing is boring. Even the women who were in a position to publicize her did not. Did they?
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