Dr. Newitol is a composite of three characters, one of whom is the editor. He takes questions from Horn Africans (yes, it is a thing now) and pretends to give answers. Dr. Newitol is now so popular, so big, he inexplicably disappears and reappears.
120: HamedAdem from Ambori, Gash Barka asks: Wo Dr. Newitol, welcome back! I was recently watching an Eri-TV documentary narrated by Abraha Kassa and Alamin Mohammed Seid on the anniversary of September 1 and I learned that Isaias Afwerki started the Eritrean revolution in 1961 (when he was 15 years old) by slaying something called the Eritrean Liberation Front which was made up of feudal lords, who mysteriously also waved the 1993 flag (in 1961.) My question is about Eritrea Director of National Security Abraha Kassa…
Dr. Newitol: Your question is why is the Director of National Security all of a sudden a history narrator?
HamedAdem: No, Doc, that doesn’t surprise me at all. Eritrea is, after all, a country where dropouts are subject matter experts: that is the norm. My question is: why is he wearing a jacket 4 times his size? Aren’t Eritreans supposed to be elegant?
Dr Newitol: In his long list of crimes, on top of which is overseeing a National Security System that commits crimes against humanity on Eritreans, and imprisons underage children, I don’t think his shabbiness (Jelgadism) or his Hitler moustache will make the list of what history and the Prime Mover will hold him accountable for. Besides, Jelgedged is the official fashion consultant of all PFDJ members, including their chairman. It is the party uniform.
121: My name is Yosief but everybody calls me Jossy from Uppsala, Sweden and I am a big supporter of the Government of Eritrea and His Excellency, the World’s Best President Isaias Afwerki! Brings tears to my eyes that I am stuck here in Sweden in a strange land when I should be with my people and my government. My question is: my government told me “Game Over Weyane!” in 2018 and it is over two years and those double-crossers are still in power in Tigray. What is wrong with them: on top of all their evil, are they also deaf? Why won’t they just go away?
Dr. Newitol: We are, per the rules of the game, in stoppage time, or injury time. The Game was played for twenty years (1998-2018) and you can imagine how long the injury time for a 20-year long game is. At least 8 years. So be prepared to hear “Game Over” for 8 years, by which point, the people saying “Game Over” will be dead. And then, if we are not lucky, those who treat life like a video game can start the game all over again.
122: Dear Dr Newitol, my name is Michelle Moore and I am a documentary maker from Michigan. I was in Addis Abeba with an NGO group to adopt an Ethiopian child and I stumbled on this: inauguration of a park. Friendship Park. The event included military parade saluting nothing, helicopters with airborne soldiers climbing rope ladders, drones, kung-fu and cheerleaders marching. My question: Is this an Ethiopia thing, or an Africa thing?
https://www.facebook.com/fanabroadcasting/videos/vb.123960474361367/1704889266331512/?type=2&theater
Dr. Newitol: it is an Abiy thing. He loves military parades, extreme makeover of offices and waterparks. His Prosperity Party political platform states that if you are very poor and you think rich, you will become rich. One of your people, Napoleon Hill, wrote “Think and Grow Rich” and Abiy Ahmed believes in it and acts on it, as this dancing water shows in a city with no water or electricity.
123: Elsa Gaber from Adi Enkirti Hegua, Debub region asks: I am a Tewahdo Eritrean. On September 11, am I supposed to say “Happy New Year!” or “Happy Qdus Yohannes!” or “Happy Geez Calendar New Year”? I am so confused!
Dr. Newitol: When Haile Selasse I (irie!) sought the independence of the Ethiopian Tewaho Church from the Egyptian Church, he did it the right way. When Isaias Afwerki sought the independence of the Eritrean Tewahdo Church from the Ethiopian, he did it the Isaias Way: rushed and half-baked. So now, it depends on whether Eritrea and Ethiopia governments are talking or angry with each other. Now that they are talking, it is perfectly alright to say Happy New Year, as the Transitional Patriarch, appointed by the Transitional Government of Eritrea, just did: “ዘመን ሓሊፉ ዘመን ዝትክእ ካብ ዘይምንባር ናብ ምንባር ኣምጺኡ ትውልዲ ዘሕልፍን ትውልዲ ዝትክእን እግዚኣብሔር ኣምላኽ እዩ ( ዘፍ. 1:14-18) (ዳን.2:20-22) እነሆ ኲሉ ዝከኣሎ እግዚኣብሔር ኣምላኽ ዓመት 2012 ኣፈጺሙ ኣብ ዋዜማ 2013 ኣብጺሑና ኣሎ።”
124: Selam Dr. Newitol! I will not disclose my name but I am from Kwazien, in Serejeka, Maekel (Hamasien) Eritrea. Recently, hundreds of my extended family and my neighboring village of Adi Regit were rounded up and arrested. Many are saying this is because a so-called Eritrean opposition leader Mesfin Hagos, who is from the area, aired anti-Eritrea messages and the people were caught listening and talking about it. My question is: why do these so-called opposition endanger the people recklessly?
Dr Newitol: Selam Nameless! When I hear questions like yours, I become more convinced that Eritrea deserves the government it has. When hundreds of underaged students were rounded up and arrested, you blamed Haji Mussa, instead of blaming the system that arrests underaged Eritreans. Like these:
You also blamed the leadership of Pentecostal Church when underage Eritreans like Dehab and Whibta spent 12-14 years of their lives (half their young age) in jail:
Unless you reconcile yourself with the truth, unless you acknowledge that there is something broken with your culture, you will be forever ruled by Banda Jelgadat, and their tools and replacements:
125. Selam Ato Newitol! This is Azbte Gonte from Mendida, Shewa, Ethiopia. My question is: why does Ethiopia need not 1, not 2, but 3 State Media (Fana, Walta and EBC)? Sometimes they simulcast the exact same thing! Are we a very rich country and someone just hasn’t told us?
Dr Newitol: I thought I answered this already: if you think big, you become big; if you think rich, you become rich: that is Prosperity Party Platform, Article 1, sub article 1. But if you want the long and boring version: Fana and Walta started out as party organs, but couldn’t continue that way because for no apparent reason they merged (because, why not?) with news outlets that Derg used to lend for African Liberation fighters like ANC and ZANU PF. So they couldn’t justify being party organs any longer and elevated themselves to national media (again, because, why not?) Now all three broadcast almost the same thing with a twist: Walta is like Ethiopian Fox News; Fana is the Abiy Broadcasting Network (ABN) an EBC (85 years old) is like PBS.
126. Fatma from Fatma Are, Gelalo, Semhar, Eritrea asks: Listen, Newton or whoever you are: I am only writing you to tell you we have no food and we are hungry. We have no water. We have no medicine. Why aren’t all Eritreans talking about this instead of all the things they talk about?
Dr. Newitol: This is like saying, “why won’t Eritreans discuss how they lost the war with Ethiopia in 1998-2000?” Eritreans never go hungry, never talk about their hunger, never get thirsty, never have their children abducted from them, and never lose in wars. Mythology will always defeat reality, if more people are committed to myth than brutal reality. Because myth comforts, reality bites:
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10217036953546311&set=a.2139028685573&type=3&theater
Then, you decide to call Indefinite National Service, “developmental plans”:
https://twitter.com/AlmazZerai/status/1171447208131981315?s=20
And, you decide to share the myth that parents are thrilled when their underage children go to Sawa High School, to COVID-19 petri dishes, like these:
You are complicit in the lies and crimes of your government and there will be no relief for you. Swear in the name of whatever is holy to you to stop telling lies and change will come.
127. Professor Mahari Yohans from Mekele University asks: I am the chairman of Tigray Independence Party (TIP/ውናት). Yeah, sure, we are also Agazian and we enjoy a lot of support from Eritreans in Israel and Tigray. My question is this: despite my great looks and the superiority of my logo, our party lost in the last election. How do I explain it to my flock?
Dr. Newitol: First of all, here’s a “TIP” for you: three-alphabet political organizations have never worked in Tigray: TLF, EDU, etc. I recommend you add a fourth alphabet, something that stands for “Nation”, “Republic”, “Democratic.” Then, I wouldn’t worry about how to explain it to your flock: they are a cult and will believe anything you tell them. I recommend you blame election irregularities caused by Mohammedans, Turks, Muslims or something.
128. This is ኦላና ቀጄላ from the historic ኤጄርሳ ጎሮ in the Great Republic of Eastern Oromiya. Every time Abiy Ahmed speaks of Dr Arkebe Enquay, I am reminded of Donald Trump speaking of “my African American!” Can you explain why?
The ብሽሽቅ between @AbiyAhmedAli and #TPLF continues…🙄🙄#Ethiopia pic.twitter.com/zCLjDIqjcI
— Naty Berhane Yifru (@NatyYifru) September 13, 2020
Dr. Newitol: Abiy is just saying just because you are Tigraway you don’t have to be a supporter of TPLF: there is room for you in my Prosperity Party. Specially if you don’t believe in “Yechereqa Mrcha”, are into industrialization, vanity projects and come highly recommended from Japan. Domo arigato!
https://www.facebook.com/812583932131710/photos/dr-arkebe-oqubay-awarded-japans-highest-decoration-the-order-of-the-rising-sun-g/2074946509228773/
129. Yasser Mohammed from Khartoum, Sudan asks: Floods have killed hundreds and displaced over a half-a-million Sudanese. Why is the only thing our African neighbors are capable of is “thoughts and prayers”? Where is IGAD? Where is COMESA? Where is the AU?
Dr. Newitol: Same place they always are, at the intersection of No and Where. Our thoughts and prayers are with you.
130.Yared Andom from Endabaguna, Tigray, Ethiopia asks: Now that we had an election in Tigray, which country is our election model closest to?
Dr. Newitol: Indonesia.
Somalia is better than many counties at least we know re result after election. pic.twitter.com/pzm4esHtPw
— Mustafe Suldan (@mustafa_suldan) September 7, 2020
