Following President Trump’s reference to African countries as “shithole countries”, King T’Challa, the ruler of Wakanda, has recalled the country’s ambassador to the US for “consultations.”
The country, which is located in East Africa, “just north of Tanzania,” had a delayed reaction because it could not conceive the meaning of “shithole.” Despite their infinite knowledge, Wakandans do not appear to know the meaning of “shit” as they are unable to produce fecal matter due to their diet and their efficiency in transforming energy.
In a meeting with US Secretary of State Rex Tillerson, Wakanda’s Foreign Minister, Bashenga, is said to have brought along a postcard of glittering Birnin Zana, the kingdom’s capital, and asked, “does this look like a shithole to you, sir?”
Mr. Tillerson and Mr Bashenga are now on friendly terms, a far cry from five years ago when the then-Chairman of ExxonMobile visited the kingdom with a proposal to extract oil. Upon learning what oil extraction meant, an irate King T’challa had given an order for an elite squad of Black Panthers to “extract all the oil of his body and see how he likes it.” Tillerson was whisked off by Bashenga.
Mr. Tillerson reportedly told the Foreign Minister not to pay attention to President Trump because “nobody else does.” Mr Tillerson now denies saying that and appeared on Fox & Friends to say, “well, if they are not shithole countries, why are they flooding the world with refugees?”
This did not exactly dissuade the kingdom from escalating the tension. “By decree of King T’Challa, restrictions on all exports to the United States are now in place,” tweeted the Wakandan Ministry of Foreign Affairs, adding “NOTE: These also extend to both vibranium-alloy metals and all medicinal herbs.”
“There goes any chance we had to develop mystical powers,” said, Captain Morgan, a spokesperson for NASA, “We now have to get unobtainium from James Cameroon’s Avatar collection…” He paused, attempting to control his frustration and finally gave up, “Ugg! He is such a dick and he will be an ever bigger asshole!”
The formerly-isolated kingdom of Wakanda appears to have taken a keen interest in the policies of the United States. Upon learning that the US is denying “dreamers” (undocumented immigrants who have been in the United States since childhood) a resolution on their status, its Ministry of Foreign Affairs @ForeignWakanda tweeted that it stands in solidarity with them and will accept their application for asylum.
Asked if this offer was extended to citizens of other countries, like Eritrea, a spokesperson said, “let me get back to you on that one.”
To-date, President Donald Trump has not mentioned Wakanda, although he has mentioned the equally fabulously imaginary country of “Nambia”, whose “healthcare is getting better” and “Tanzaynia” where “a lot of my friends are trying to get rich, and congratulations to you!”